Kiss My Hand
by MotherCrumpet
Summary: My latest version of how the knight in shining armor James snagged the beautiful princess Lily all with a simple kiss of her hand. Only it's not a fairytale.... oneshot JPLE


I had been at Hogwarts for seven years now, and I had accumulated a list of three things I disliked about the old school. One was the changing staircases. Well, those are kind of cool in general, but, when they change as you're late for class and halfway up them, they suddenly lose a little bit of their appeal.

The second thing I disliked were the secret passages that allowed students to pop up out of nowhere. Sure, they had their uses when you needed to get through the castle quickly, but when you're walking down the hallway on patrol at night by yourself and someone jumps out and grabs you to scare you, they suddenly lose the majority of their appeal.

Which brings me to the final thing I dislike about life at Hogwarts. Well, I suppose it's not exactly a thing, per say, but rather a human being by the name of James Potter. Why is he the final thing I dislike about Hogwarts you ask? I'm not gonna lie, James Potter is extremely easy on the eyes and he's really funny (sometimes) and can occasionally be sweet (occasionally being the operative word), but there's something about James Potter that drives me absolutely up the wall. Oh, I know what it is. It's because he's solely responsible for the first and second things I dislike at Hogwarts. Well, that and other things, one of which is the fact that somewhere throughout this past year, I have joined the ranks of Hogwarts girls who happen to be in love with James Potter. But back to my story.

Each year, two students are chosen to represent their school as head boy and girl. I'm head girl, which wasn't unexpected, but James is head boy, which was so unexpected I still wonder if Dumbledore was on some kind of medication that screws with brain function when he was making decisions. But that's not the point. The point is that we we're on our weekly patrols last night and we had split up so that it would go faster. I was walking down the hallway by myself, with only my wand as light when all of a sudden James comes out of nowhere and grabs me.

Needless to say, I elbowed him in the stomach, kicked his instep, and then kneed him in the groin. Oops. But it wasn't really my fault. He really shouldn't be popping up out of random hallways in order to scare me.

So, you agree that the dislike of hallways is sensible, right? Exactly. But you still seem confused how it could possibly be James' fault that I was late to class this morning because I got stuck on the moving staircase. Let me just tell you, it is his fault.

As the head student, James and I have our own dorm. I have my room and James has his. We do have to share a bathroom though, but that isn't really relevant. Last night, I had a really hard time getting to sleep because James had scared me so badly by jumping out and grabbing me. And so, I turned a light on down in our common room and left my door half open. I always wake up before James does anyway, so it's not like he would be able to see me sleeping.

Well, on this particular morning, I was exhausted from not getting to sleep until really late, that I didn't hear my alarm right away. But, apparently, James did because it woke him up. And so, he came into my room, turned off the alarm and left, grumbling about the loudness of it. This meant I didn't ever hear it and slept until ten minutes before classes start when I woke up, promptly cursed everything and threw on my uniform, all within a span of thirty seconds. Then I sprinted down to the common room, threw all my books into my bag and dashed out of the dorm and down the hallway.

I had three minutes to spare as I started up the last staircase, but halfway up, it decided to change. I cursed life, sprinted back down said stairs and up a neighboring staircase, which caused me to be all of thirty seconds late to class, landing me in detention. Which is where I am now, just sitting here and twiddling my thumbs as the others in detention finish their tasks so we can go.

"Oy, Lily, are you done?" Sirius called from across the room.

"No, I'm just sitting here watching you work and hoping you'll be a gentleman and do mine too." I replied sarcastically.

"Ah, that'll never happen. I tried being a gentleman, it's not as much fun as it sounds."

"Lovely, thanks for sharing."

"You know, if you were to help me, we would get out of here sooner."

"If I come within arm length of you, you are going to dump that bucket of water you're using to wash the slug guts off the wall over my head."

"So, what's a little water between friends?" Sirius shrugged.

"It's a lot of water and I'm wearing a white blouse," I replied, "Do I look stupid to you Sirius?"

"Um, not really, but then those are the ones that surprise you. Like I think Peter's secretly a genius."

"Uh, not this again." I sighed, "Sirius, Peter was not abducted by little green Martians and injected with long-term brain smartening substances."

"How do you know? Are you one of the little green Martians that abducted him?"

"Sirius, I'm not green."

"Exactly, so there." Sirius stuck his tongue out at me.

"How do you even function through the day?" I asked, shaking my head.

Sirius shrugged, "Beats me."

There was silence for a few minutes and then Professor McGonagall waltzed into the classroom. (Well, more like strode, waltzed is just a cool word) We all looked at her while she inspected the classroom.

"You may go." She announced, and everyone was out of there before she had finished speaking.

James was standing in the hallway when Sirius and I left the classroom.

"Did I tell you I was sorry?" James asked as I glared at him.

"Only about a thousand times." I replied shortly.

"Will it help if I say it again?"

"Oh yeah, this time it will magically make everything better." I rolled my eyes and kept walking down the hall.

"I'll never touch your alarm clock again."

"Hell you won't!" I exclaimed.

"And I won't jump out of secret corridors at you anymore either." James rubbed his stomach with a grimace.

"I should hope not."

"So, will you forgive me?" He pleaded.

I thought for a second, "Will you try and find a charm that will make the stairs stay in place while I'm on them?"

"Anything you want."

"Then yes, I will forgive you. You may kiss my hand."

James stared at me blankly.

I shook my head, "Just forget it, don't even try to understand."

"Wait for me!" Sirius called in a whiney voice as he shouldered his way between us. "Did Lily-rose forgive you?"

James nodded.

"Did James kiss your hand?" Sirius asked me.

"The phrase just confused him."

"Poor little Jamsie-wamsie." Sirius cooed. "He doesn't understand our Lily-rose."

"I understand Lily unless you've influenced her somehow." James protested.

"It's true, that phrase was all you Sirius." I nodded.

"Or was it?" Sirius asked mystifyingly.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was." James grabbed Sirius' arm and tugged him sideways quickly, causing him to crash into the side of the hallway so that James was walking beside me again.

"Ow!" Sirius cried, "No fair!"

"Everything's fair in…" James shot a quick look at me and finished hastily, "war."

I looked at him strangely.

"I thought the term was-" Sirius started but James clapped his hand over his mouth.

"Ix-nay n-oay he-tay xpression-eay." James hissed, pulling his hand off Sirius' mouth.

"I an-cay peak-say luent-fay ig-pay atin-lay." I pointed out, "I am the one who taught you after all."

James looked alarmed, "I forgot about that."

"Besides, how stupid do you think I am?" I asked, "I know what the expression is. All's fair in love and war."

"He meant close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." Sirius covered quickly.

"Which means," I continued, ignoring Sirius completely, "that one of you is in love with me."

Sirius gasped dramatically, "She's good."

"Shut up Sirius," James snapped, "She's dumbing it down so you can understand what she's saying."

"And, judging by your reactions," I continued, smirking widely, "It is not the suave Mr. Black who has taken a fancy to me."

"Oh, she is good." Sirius commented to a panicked looking James.

"What are you saying?" James squeaked.

"I'm saying, that you, Mr. Potter, are in love with me." I stepped closer to him and he stepped back nervously, running a hand through his hair as he did so.

"Is that so?"

"Oh yeah," I laughed, turning and skipping down the hall, "You've got it baaad!"

I was sitting in the common room later when James walked in. He took a nervous glance towards me and hurried through the room.

"James!" I called in a singing voice.

"Yes?" He asked, gulping nervously.

"Come here, I want to talk with you."

James walked slowly over to the couch and sat down, all traces of his normal composed, intrepid, and levelheaded self, shattered.

I opened my mouth, but James suddenly looked up right into my eyes and started to speak, "Lily, I'm seriously in love with you. It's not some joke, so whatever you do, don't make fun of me for falling in love with you."

I looked at him, "James, I'm not going to make fun of you."

"You're not? Cause I'm pretty sure I would if I were you."

"Well, that would be pretty hypocritical of me."

James shook his head confused, "What?"

I laughed, "I can't very well make fun of you for being in love with me when I have the same problem."

"You're in love with yourself?" James asked doubtfully.

"Poor baby is confused."

James nodded.

"Well then, let me explain to you." I leaned in and pressed my lips against his which were unresponsive for a split second before he started kissing me back. We broke apart and I leaned my head on his chest.

"Does this mean ou-yay ove-lay e-may?" James asked softly, his arm snaking around me tightly.

"Yes, and you may kiss my hand whenever you so choose to." I replied, lacing my fingers through his.

"I don't think I'm going to be kissing your hand anymore after that." James commented before leaning over and catching my lips with his again.

It was strangely at this moment that two thoughts popped into my head, one was that I didn't mind those three things at Hogwarts anymore.

As for the other, well, let's just say that it was more along the lines of James' hands definitely should not be going there.


End file.
